The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility..
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
~*~
I had a good laugh. :D And now I'm sleepy. And, ANTM IS BACK YAAY! Happy happy happy. I shall drown myself in ANTM because of lack of Potter-ness.
(and no, huda. no gossip girl. ANTM is bad enough. Although SHEENAOMGSHE'SSOHOOCHIE is a riot. Love love it.)
Hahaha. On googling this, I found out that it's quite an old post, 2 years old actually. But quite underrated since yours truly hasn't read it till last night. Hahaha. It didn't even need to force any laughter from me, as you will experience in a short while.
Gua [goo-wah] noun – What some mats and minahs use to call themselves. Similar in using “lu” when referring to others. A legacy that dates back to the times of Mat Rocks back in the early 80s.
A common trick that can be played on Mats is to ask them to translate the English phrase “Monkey Cave” into Malay. The mat will then say “Gua Monyet” (I'm a monkey).
Mat [mat] noun – To the rest of the world, the word simply means a Malay guy. But within the Malay community itself there is a growing disparity in consensus to its actual meaning. Popularly, it's used to denote a guy who converses primarily in Malay, as opposed to the more “English speaking” types. Favourites of the mats include tapered jeans, trucker caps and weepy Malay songs with sickeningly suicidal lyrics.
Matrep [mat-rape] noun – An extreme version of the mat. In addition to the usual mat accessories, a matrep will also come adorned with tattoos and matching body-piercings in weird corners of his body.
Minah [mee-nah] noun – An expression used to denote a Malay female. Derived from the popular Malay name, Aminah, which used to be all the rage some time ago. It was sort of the “in-thing” to name your daughter Aminah back in the 60s and 70s. In fact, legend has it that if you go to Geylang Serai market and shout “Hai Minah!” at least a quarter of the makcik population there is going to turn around and smile at you.
Picit [pee-chet] adjective – When a mat tells you to “picit” him, it does not mean that he is trying to be cheeky (or gay, if he is talking to a fellow mat). It simply means that the mat wants you to call him on his mobile. What were you thinking?
Relaksuah [ree-lek-soo-wah] adjective – Official slogan and life motto of the mats and minahs.
Sial [see- yal ] noun / adjective – A full stop in every mat's sentence. Eg: “Tadi aku nampak accident sial Rabak sial Aku tak bedek sial Kesian sial” Translation: Just now I saw an accident (full stop) It was bad (full stop) I'm not kidding (full stop) Poor guy (full stop)
In its purest form, “sial” means “jinx” but mats have refined the art of using the word to include it at the end of their every sentence. Also comes in the more polite form “siak” and “siul” for those who do not want to sound too crude.
Skank [s-kank] adjective - A favourite weird-looking dance performed by mats and minahs. Usually done at any of the various gigs that mats and minahs love to congregate at. At times, you do detect evidence of artistry in the dance but most of the time they just look like they've been possessed by the ghost of a restless retard.
Sowie [soh-wee] adjective – An expression of apology used by minahs. Commonly used in SMS and instant messaging. Actually they can just use the word “sorry” like every normal human being but minahs think that it will make them sound extra cute to deliberately talk that way. Example : “I will be late. Sowie!”
Step [se-tep] adjective – To beguile, dissimulate or impersonate something or someone that they are not. Also commonly used to describe a fellow mat or minah who acts in an arrogant manner. E.g.“Kau jangan nak step tak tahu eh?” Translation: Don't you dare feign innocence in this matter. Can also be used as a gerund e.g. “stepping”. See next entry.
Step Jambu [se-tep jam-boo] adjective - What minahs do when they are sitting alone in a train and a group of mats walk in. It is a general exercise where the minah “controls” her facial muscles and posture in a way that would make her look her best. This would usually involve looking incessantly at her handphone for no particular reason.
Stoppit [setop-eet] adjective – A general expression of intolerance and dismay. When a minah uses this phrase, be very careful for it signals that she is about to lose her cool or get very violent.
Usually directed by minahs in an annoyed manner, followed by the postfix “seh”, “siak” or “sial”. (See entry for “sial” above) Eg: Apasal ngan perangai kau hari ni? Stopitsiak! Transalation : What's up with your attitude today? Enough of it already for goodness' sake!”
~*~
*gurgles*
Haha. Oh man. I just wasted an hour reading more funny stuff. LOL. Oh well.
Ok. Must.... do.... other.... stufff.... now.... *wrenches self away from laptop*
Hahahaha. I like his face lah. It looks damn rubbery.
Anyways, 'His' is not Mr Bean... It's actually....
Haha.. I can't believe the little monster is all of EIGHT! He certainly doesn't look like it. :p
So the five monsters plus Mummy Monster (this is all starting to sound like Sesame Street. just bear with me.) went to JEC to have Pizza Hut! Woo hoo!
Hafiz farted a lot there. SO BUSOK! Wah lau. I think the waitress also walked away as quickly as she could after he let one particularly smelly one fly. The rest of us unfortunately couldn't do the same. Extremely unfortunate that.
I think it's all the tuna you ate at your camp la bro. Smelly can?
After that, mum took us to IMM where we of course had fun at Giant!! You know, i think my family is the only family that goes YAAY! when the mother says we're going grocery shopping. Haha..
Anyways, IMM was about an hour to closing time, and hence there was hardly anybody about. So we had a lot of fun in general.
That was Aiz moonwalking. Man even I didn't know he could do that.
Haha. After that we piled mum's trolly with our junk food, and after a lot of laughter, dancing, farting in Hafiz's case, we went home.
1) Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of tides. Let it be.
1) Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1) Crying is blackmail.
1) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one : Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! JUST SAY IT!
1) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. *haha.. riiite.*
1) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. *i'm lucky.. :D yes I am.*
1) A headache that lasts for 17 months IS a problem. See a doctor.
1) Anything we said six months ago is not allowed in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days. *ahem ahem*
1) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one way makes you angry or sad, we meant the other one.
1) You can either tell us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1) Whenever possible, please say what you have to say during commercial.
1) Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1) ALL men see in 16 colors, kinda like Windows default settings. Peach for example, is a FRUIT, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.We have no idea what mauve is.
1) If we ask what's wrong and you say, 'nothing', we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you're lying, but it is not just worth the hassle.
1) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. *;) did it ever occur to you that it's just your voice I wanted to hear?*
1) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1) You have enough clothes.
1) You have too many shoes. *nooooo!! I need more shoes!!!*
1) Did you know that men don't really mind sleeping on the couch? It's like camping.
~*~
*laughs* I have nothing to say to this. :) Some are definitely true for some couples nyahahaha.. I think I got the best boypren in the world anyway, so mostly, all the above doesn't really apply. Hahahaha.. Yaay.
I saw Mr Bean just now. And my goodness...
I LOVED IT!!
I wanna watch it again. Just to hear him say "GRACIAS" one more time. Hee hee...
Ok. I think i JUST cannot watch malay dramas lah. Like, i'll bust a gut or something.
This show is on at Tv Satu, and i'm really trying not to break a rib. It has wonderful examples of bad storyline/bad characters/bad acting, the list just goes on.
From what i can gather, there's a drug gang (the orang jahat) with the ringleader whose name is *snorts* Kario. (imagine this in a malay drama. seriously.) (Kario? Kario? What kind of a name is Kario??)
One thing this Kario did was to CALL the POLICE DETECTIVE who just caught some of his men the night before, to say, "Ni Mohd. Shahroni ke? Eh Shahroni, semalam kau tangkap orang-orang aku. KAU JAGA KAU!"
*falls off her chair laughing*
Oh sorry, translation.. "Is this Mohd Shahroni? Sharoni, you caught my men yesterday. YOU WATCH OUT YOU!"
Which criminal mastermind would CALL the police officer on his handphone (how did he get his handphone number??) and give out threats like that? Siao ah? I mean, if it was to tell him something like, "*Sinister laugh* You caught my men, but you'll never catch me." Or something like that, it would be okay. But no. You get a stupid level 1 threat. -_-
Haha. I thought that was bad.
The next scene, we now see Kario and his band of merry men. Or baduts. Whichever you prefer. The four men, standing from left to right, are named as follows (because of course, Mr Kario introduces them by scolding them haha) :
Chong (A Malay man who is supposed to be Chinese.)
Ranggi (A Malay man, who i think is supposed to be Filipino or um Indonesian. What kind of a name is Ranggi?)
Dev (Indian man who's an Indian man. :D)
And i didn't catch the last guy's name. Was too busy laughing at Kario's major bad acting. He was seriously rasping into the phone (to another of his merry men i think). Like he had a nasty sore throat. Haha..
So Kario's scolding the men because apparently the enemy gang (Razo) has just sprouted out, and their leader's name is...... (wait for it..) RAZI! hahaha...
Razi : Hi, I'm Razi, and this is my gang, Raz-o!
OMG can this show get any worse??
And then, a sort of climax in the episode : Kario calls his girlfriend, who happens to be a frequent customer of the mother of the police detective, whom HE called while the detective was at his mother's coffee shop.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Helpppp. I should stop watchinggggggg.
Hahaha.. Suddenly, Roni's mother goes, "Razi kerja kat ladang Azli?" Hahahaha.. Ok, so we're supposed to put two and two together and conclude that this mother has a son who's a cop, and another son who's a criminal who owns a gang called Razo.
Woo hoo! Credits! Finally!!
Haha.. One of the actors is called 'Mat Jumpa Duit' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. WTH LAAAAA. Not cool ok?
Ape-ape lah. Malay dramas are just -_-. yes, not all, but most of the tacky ones.
And that was only the first episode of the series. *blink blink*
Ok, shutting down now. My brain short circuit liao. Tsk.
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.
2. Log onto MSN (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
4. Walk to the kitchen to get some chocolate to help you concentrate.
5. Check your email.
6. Walk to the kitchen again and get yourself a cup of coffee.
7. When you get back, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your email.
10. Go to the toilet. Look at your teeth in the mirror.
11. Grab some mp3 off of limewire.
12. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!
13. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (i.e plans for the holidays).
14. Check your blog.
15. Listen to your new mp3 and download some more.
16. Phone your friend and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your lecturer, the course, the college, the world at large.
17. Walk to the kitchen again and cook some maggie mee.
18. While you've got the food you may as well get a magazine and read it.
19. Check your email.
20. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.
21. Play some solitare (or sudoku!).
22. Check out other people's blogs.
23. Wash your hands.
24. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.
25. Open Adobe photoshop and play around with the pictures.
26. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
27. Log on to youtube.com and see if there are new videos to watch.
28. Check your email and listen to your new mp3s.
29. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.
30. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.
31. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
32. Lie face down on the floor for fun.
33. Play stupid online games.
34. Check your email.
35. Mumble silly songs under your breath.
36. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.
37. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.
38. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.
~*~
Hahahahahahaha.
Ok, i do most of the above. *hides face* I'm such a horrible student.
10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)
...and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing)
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