Wednesday, March 31, 2004

I'm Totally Freaked.

Hahaha.. It started out with a really weird dream. In the dream, I thought I'd woken up and voila! a message from my missing boyfriend. (Yes... He has been MIA the past few days.. No surprise, plenty of misery) Couldn't remember what exactly was in that message, I knew I felt really happy or something. Haha... Then we were sending messages back and forth. (By this time I was already at my desk by the window smiling like an idiot.)

Suddenly, the phone rang, it was my BOSS of all people. He asked me how I was and stuff, (the formalities) then he went on about some of the companies on our webbie and told me to go promote them or something (I couldn't really remember what, was too busy feeling happy... Hahaha...)

Anyway, He had just asked an important question, and I was itching to answer the message, but I couldn't duh! 'Cause my boss chose that moment to be excited or something...

And then... And THEN... I woke up.

I remember lying in bed, eyes closed, suffering from yet another disappointment. Yes... The Stoopid Boy hadn't sent me a message. It was all a DREAM. A FREAKING DREAM.

And my handphone buzzed.

I picked it up.. and to my surprise...

In my life
I learned
how...

2 love
2 smile
2 B happy
2 B strong

2 work hard
2 B honest
2 B faithful
2 forgive

But I
couldn't
learn
how...

2 stop
missing
you...

Yeah.. A message from the absent Him. 3 seconds after I came out of my dream. Freaky. Hahaha... And I have not answered.. Planning not to.. *smiles* Well, maybe for ten more hours or so... (which is so bogus) hahaha... Ah, well.. At least the guy is alive. And no matter what despicable thing he does next, I know that I'll forgive him, and start the cycle again... But hey.. At least he's here in my life. Wahahaa..


Come here, please hold my hand for now
Help me, I'm scared please show me how to fight this,
God has a master plan
And I guess
I am in his demand
Please save me this time I cannot run
And I'll see you when this is done
And now I have come to realize
That you are the one who's left behind

Please stay until I'm gone
I'm here hold on to me I'm right here
Waiting

I see, a light it feels good
And I'll come back soon just like you would
It's useless, my name has made the list
And I wish, I gave you one last kiss

Please stay until I'm gone
I'm here hold on to me I'm right here
Waiting and take
My one last breath, and don't forget
That I will be right here
Waiting

Please stay until I'm gone
I'm here hold on to me I'm right here
Waiting and take
My one last breath, and don't forget
That I will be right here
Waiting

-Not Now (Blink 182)

Monday, March 29, 2004

Hello World... *yawns*

Have nothing particularly interesting to share... *frowns* Sigh...

'Cause (haha) nothing particularly interesting has happened these past few days.. I just sit at home and blergh.. Hahahaha...

I'd write about Him, but nothing interesting has happened in that department either.. Hahaha... For now, we're just slowly getting our bearings and stuff. Hahaha... Have no idea what that means.. (maybe Fiza can explain)

Oh. Yeah. I forgot one MAJOR detail. Someone close to my family ran away from home. Ok, erase that. He left home. He left his family. He left his mother in tears. Sigh.. I went to visit the mother yesterday. No words can express how depressed she was. All she did was cry. *shakes head*

It kills the parents when their kids do stuff like this. I mean, face it lah. They give us money, food, shelter... And all they ask for us is to stay out of trouble. I mean, is that so much to ask? Boleh MATI ke? Sigh.

It's no use to that guy, i think. He won't listen, won't see reason. In my opinion, he's an idiot. But that's just my opinion. How he could hurt his mom like that is beyond me.

So the next time you guys plan to do something stupid, OUT OF ANGER, think of what your parents would feel. And don't do it.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Dum Dee Dum

Can't believe I'm blogging so freaking early... Sigh... Aaargh... Expo in two hours... NOOOO....

Hahaha... Me and Fiza had a morning chat... (That's why i'm gonna be a zombie the rest of the day..) Talked about the usual.. Our lives... Our Lives... Our Lives... yeah.. Hehehe...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............

Oh. Good morning World. And to You.. Wherever you are... *rolls eyes* Hehehe...

Thursday, March 25, 2004

ORIENTATION IS OVER.

Yaaaaaaay!!! Hahaha....

I wanna thank OG 20, also known as APOLLO for making lame jokes and playing imaginary ball (like volleyball and basketball) games with the minimal things OUR OG had like ahem, a purple and blue balloon and (haha) masking tape.

Oh, in case nobody knew, MY CLAN IS THE CHAMPION CLAN. Bwahahahaa...

Hidup OLYMPUS!!

I also wanna thank *drumroll* FIZA, for coming down and making my day LESS MISERABLE!!!!! Wahahahaha... I couldn't have gone through it without you babe!!

Hahaha... First we were dissing so many ppl in the hall, like... The BASKET CLAN, and ASS-GARD... Wahahaha... Fiza had a soft spot for CAMELOT though... *winks*

(*chants* F - A - H - M - Y... F - A - H - M - Y ...)

After that, we were on chairs, I repeat, CHAIRS, waving our arms to songs the J1 cohort were singing... Hahaha... Talk about lost school spirit....

And for the grand finale...... MASS DANCE!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha... Fiza didn't know half the steps, but she did great anyway... We were dancing like mad in the hall admist all the enthusiastic J1s... Hahahah... Three bloody times seh...

And do you know what made my day even more perfect?

RETRIBUTION..... Sweet RETRIBUTION.... Khehehe... TWICE.

Let's just say a certain Malay boy, who was REALLY rude, was dancing in front of us. Haha... First, he TRIPPED over a piece of paper.. (and how does one do that you might ask... hehehe) slammed his butt on the floor in front of me...

Then, him, being an ogl that he was... forgot dance steps, and he turned around when he should have been doing something else, and he had this really bewildered look on his face... Wahahahahahahah... Which was PRICELESS i might add... WAHAHAHAHAHA.... Now we're quits.. Hahaha... Fiza said he went all nice after that last paiseh thing he did... Hahahaha... So funny... We laughed till ours sides hurt...

Okie, so shoot me... I enjoyed myself to the max yesterday... But still... I couldn't have done it without those FUN-LOVING people around me!!! God bless everybody who made yesterday meaningful and just BLOODY FUN.

HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYBODY!

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Waaaah.... Today was such a tiring day. Orientation. Sigh. Chinese community. Sigh. Speak Chinese and nothing else. Sigh. "BRIEF" debriefing. Sigh. Left school at seven. Sigh. Irritating Malay boy. Ugh.

Didn't particularly like anything about today. Everything mostly sucked. Big time. Asked myself why i signed up laa. Didn't have an answer to that either. But hey, my OG rocked. Although it is ENTIRELY Chinese populated. At least they didn't 'forget' that I DON'T SPEAK and obviously DON'T UNDERSTAND the Chinese language. Unlike some people. Shall not mention names. *cough. cough. sputters.*

And I haven't sent a message to Him. Haha.. But I don't think he actually realises it. Hehe.. It's that sort of thing. He's that sort of person. No smses means nothing is wrong, everything is fine. Haha... Well, it is the practical guy thinking. Yeah, I miss him. But not that much today. Hahaha...

Am so tired, dragged myself home. Bumped my head a few times in the train. That happened when I closed my eyes to sleep lah. Haha... So embarrasing.

Dum dee dum. Ya lah, but not tired enuff that I couldn't write an entry. Haha..

Going to bed early. It's a LONG day tomorrow.

Good night world.. And to You, wherever you are... Lots of LOVE...

Sunday, March 21, 2004

YOU SET ME FREE


Can't you see?
There's a feeling that's come over me...
Close my eyes...
You're the only one that leaves me..
Completely breathless...

No need to wonder why
Sometimes a gift like this you can't deny...

'Cause I wanted to fly,
So you gave me your wings
And time held it's breath so I could see..
And you set me free...

There's a will
There's a way
Sometimes words just can't explain
This is real
I'm afraid
I guess this time there just no hiding, fighting
You make me restless

You're in my heart
The only light that shines
There in the dark

'Cause I wanted to fly
So you gave me your wings
And time held it's breath so I could see
And you set me free...

When I was alone
You came around
When I was down
You pulled me through
And there's nothing that I wouldn't do
For you......

'Cause I wanted to fly
So you gave me your wings...
And time held it's breath so I could see
You set me free...

-Michelle Branch



La la la....

It's Sunday.. And I feel, hmm... I dunno what I feel...

Hahaha... Have been a happy zombie for the past few hours...

Walking around the house, staring into space, yeah, I think I could major in that. Hahaha... I've perfected it, so to say.

Dum dee dum...

Now that I've finally wrestled the computer away from my brother..... I don't know what to write about.. Hahahaha...

Nothing special today... Although I could go round to IMM again and watch Chef Wan in action... But........ Hmm.... Maybe not... Hahaha... Of course the main reason is to go see Him... Hahaha... Never mind lah... Distract ppl doing work only... Hahaha... Which is my speciality, come to think of it...

Hahaha... Anyway, I think he'll get sick of seeing my face everyday... Hahaha.. He has school on Monday.. *sighs* And some more filming...

Him hanging out with Tv ppl is okie with me... Him BECOMING a TV person is something to think about though... But then, as always, it's likely I just sit back and watch him at it.. Hahaha... And do all the encouraging a girlfriend does... Wahahaha...

I got it BAAAAAAD.

Have to go and search for other stuff to talk about besides him.. WAAHAHAHAHAHA....

Till later... *muacks*

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Oh, yeah... Monday, i'm GOING BACK TO PJ...

Hehehe... Yeah, in my old PJ skirt, and T-shirts...

Call me enthusiastic... I don't care.

Hehehe... One reason... cute malay guy.

Hahaha... eye candy aje lah... Relax ar... Hehehehe... Not like I'm going to do anything to get his attention seh... Wahahahah...

Just going to be my kooky, wacky self... *cough. cough. Sputter..*




Today, i had a surprise date with that certain somebody...

Hahahaha, and Chef Wan...

Wahahahahaha... Yes, you heard me right... Chef Wan..

Went to watch his (Chef Wan's) show where He was the assistant producer/crowd controller for the day... Wahahahaha....

Got to eat GOOD FOOD.

And I got to be with HIM.

Don't that beat all? Hehehehehehehe.... Sooooooooo wonderfuuulll...

I would take his picture to show you ppl, (haha) but the silly boy refused to have his photo taken... Hahaha... Oh, well...

Dum dee dum...

And NO Fiza, you're SO not getting his Vespa.. So there... *sticks out tongue* Bwahahahaa...

For one thing, it's still in the workshop.

And for another, I say CANNOT. Hahahahah...

Life's wonderfuuul! I'm soooo hepi....

Friday, March 19, 2004

I can't put my finger on what's different about him.... He's just, so.... nice nowadays, it makes me think it can't be real.

Like his messages, his concern, his...... Hahaha... It's just different. And it's GREAT.

Had OGL activities today in PJC... Man am I bushed. I'm in Olympus Clan, and Apollo tribe... Hahaha... Basically, the Year ones had us seniors a little wet, a little dirty, and I'm a little irritated... Hehehe...

Oh, well... What was more interesting was the ahem, Malay guy I saw today... Heheheh... My bf will SO kill me!!! Hahahahah... Not my fault what... The bloody guy looked like him... Even had the same physical attributes...

Hahahaha... Too bad he's like TWO years younger... Bwahahahaha... He was one of the people in charge of the Orientation... Kheheheh...

But he was SOOOOOOOOOO cute... *drools*
Hehehe... Oh, whatever... Wahaha...

La la la la.....

When it comes down to them, my bf will win.

Definitely. *winks*

Thursday, March 18, 2004

Yaaaaaaay....

Never mind why... Haha..

Oh, I had a talk with my mum about him... She's a little sensitive when it comes to Him lah.. Haha.. Told me (quite frankly) that she didn't want to see me get hurt again. 'Cause it's the same guy and everything..

I told her the truth, told her what's going on. She seemed okie with it somewhat... Just doesn't want me to make the same mistakes..
(How great a mum can you get?!)
She just told me to keep my head on, don't charge into it with my eyes close (which is what i think i've been doing) hehe, and just be cool... Hahahaha...
I LOVE MY MUM!!

But let's face it yeah? I've been a fool (for ever so long) when it comes to him. So I just have to keep ot down, keep it cool. Hahahahah.. (That seems absurd, even to me..)

Going out with Fiza at one.. Hehehehe.. And MAYBE him at six? Hahahaha.. Oh well...
Like i said, it hasn't even been a week, and i've already met him, let's see... five times, including today, if that happens... God-willing...

Okies... Got to go... Good Day World...

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

QUILT



To think of SOMETHING ELSE,
is oh, so DIFFICULT...
For my thoughts constantly turn
To YOU...
A thousand memories,
Woven itno a secret quilt
in my mind...
Each patch,
A different memory...
With each stitch,
I grow more
ENAMOURED
of you...
With every prick of the CURSED needle...
I remind myself
Of how much I LOVE YOU

And behold, LOVE..
My bleeding hands..
BLEEDING,
With every DISAPPOINTMENT
You bestowed upon me..
Blood with tears...
And tears with blood...
All for YOU my love...
All FOR you...

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Sigh... Nope, no sms as yet...

I miss him already... *bawls*

Hahahahahah... yeah, I do...

That idiot better have an apology tommorrow....

Goodnight world....


I watched him perform a play today... Hope his school wins... Haha, he had to play (of all things), and apek... hahaha

But was quite a disappointing evening... He had to go back to Toh Tuck... *pouts* so he couldn't send me home... And he hasn't sms-ed since... Ah... well...

Knew his good guy personality wouldn't last that long... Hahaha... But four days?

Oh well, I'm probably jumping to conclusions like before... And at least, this time, there won't be any other voices in my head, well, except mine lah... So i just have to shut one voice up and i'm home free... Hahaha..

I think there is some difference to now!Him and then!Him... He's fetching me and sending me... ahahah... His niceness, is hmm, more i guess... Hahahah...

And it's the fact that it's either to trust him fully, or don't trust him at all. And we all know how hard that could be.

And........ I think............ I trust him.

Hahaha, I wouldn't know... Butterflies are clouding my brain...


I went out with Him yesterday... Hehehe... Dunno lah... I think you ppl will get sick and tired of me going ON and ON about him...

So leave lah.... Heehehehe...

We, (his friends and I) sat at the restaurant and played STOOOPID games... Hahaha.. It's great, just being there with that special somebody... And no, I'm SO not going to lose him again.

I mean.... I'll try not to lah...

Hahahaha...

I spent the rest of the night BORING my sister to Death with stories about this wonderful guy.

going now... Bubyeeeeeeee...

Sunday, March 14, 2004

I dunno if it could get better than this. I thought it couldn't be. Then He sends me a message and I actually go ballistic.. Hahahaha... In a good way mind you.

*freaks out and dances about the room*

WAHAHAHAHA...



~*~*~*~*~*~

I don't know how
I don't know why
But girl it seems
You've touched my life
You're in my dreams
You're in my heart
I'm not myself
When we're apart
Something strange has
Come over me
A raging wind to
Cross my seas
And girl you know that
Your eyes are to blame
And what am I supposed to do
If I can't get over you
I come to find that
You don't feel the same

'Cause I'm falling, falling
Girl, I'm falling for you
And I pray you're falling too.
I've been falling, falling
Ever since the moment
I laid eyes on you
Falling, falling, falling
(When I laid eyes on you)
Falling, falling, falling, yeah

I lose my step
I lose my ground
I lose myself
When you're around
I'm holding on for my life
To keep from drowning


Artist: *NSYNC
Album: Celebrity
Title: Falling


Today I had lunch with HIM.. Hahaha... Although it was only an hour or so... Sigh... Hehehe.. Butterflies erupted here and there. Couldn't even get my nasi ayam to go down my throat. Hahaha... Lesse... Hahaha...

He talked about Indian Teh Tarik, which looked like MUD, and went down like yogurt..

Delicious chapati that had been wiped with a rag cloth... Which tasted DELICIOUS..

Roti prata which looked like dough.

And thosai which didn't look like thosai...

Hahaha...

Then I went with Fiza and Lim and Hidayat to the NUS open house..

Had Vanilla flavoured yogurt and ice cream, blended with strawberry fruit and rock melon. (that was a mouthful)

We had dinner at NUH... Hahaha... Freaking long walk from NUS campus.

I think I enjoyed today. My face is still cramped. Smiling cramps every muscle.

Love you dude... *giggles*

Saturday, March 13, 2004

I can't believe what has just happened...

I am shocked, VERY pleasantly surprised, and CRAZILY HAPPY.

AND....... I can't tell you guys... WAHAHAHAHA...

Yes, that's Hana, being evil as usual...

Let's just say, LOVE is in the air....

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.....

MNA, I love you...

WAHAHAHAHHAHA...

Thursday, March 11, 2004

I remember all those nights I used to stay at home
On the phone, all night long
You used to talk about the things we really wanna do
I believed in you

I remember how you used to say
Have no fear, be OK
When you told me anything you want is possible
We could have it all

I believed in you
Must have been a fool
All my dreams were with you

I say, it's OK
I can promise you it's alright
You ain't keeping me up all night no more
You're not here but

It's OK
I assure you babe it's alright
You ain't keeping me up all night no more
You're not here but it's OK

Well now you got to where you wanted like I knew you would
Cash, car, house - it's all good
Is it why you never come around here no more,
Like you did before

Got it all that's the way it seems
Looks like you, live your dreams
And I hope you'll ever turn up for the better now
When I'm not around

I believed in you
Must have been a fool
All my dreams were with you

I say, it's OK
I can promise you it's alright
You ain't keeping me up all night no more
You're not here but

It's OK
I assure you babe it's alright
You ain't keeping me up all night no more
You're not here but it's OK

It's alright and it's OK and
It's alright and it's OK and
It's alright and it's OK and
(you're not here with me)
It's alright and it's OK and
It's alright and it's OK and
It's alright and it's OK and
(you're not here with me)

I say, it's OK
I can promise you it's alright
You ain't keeping me up all night no more
You're not here but

It's OK
I assure you babe it's alright
You ain't keeping me up all night no more
You're not here but it's OK

It's alright and it's OK and
It's alright and it's OK and
It's alright and it's OK and
(you're not here with me)
It's alright and it's OK and
It's alright and it's OK and
It's alright and it's OK and

You're not here but it's OK

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

I went out with HIM yesterday...

I dunno how it happened. One moment i was at my ex-teacher's house, next moment, we're walking around Hougang.. I couldn't believe i missed him so much. He had a new hairstyle, which looked so... Mat. Hahaha... He said it was 'mod'. (whatever lah eh... lain spelling ajer..) hehehe... He also had on his MI uniform, which was... Bus driver-ish... (WAHAHAHA) Anyway, I thought he looked cute. *giggles* Call me crazy... I don't care.

I spent an hour with him in Hougang, then we met his friends at Toa Payoh. Well, his Juniors actually. Ate lunch with him, talked nonsense with him....

Just like the old days...

Sigh.

He hasn't changed in his two year absence from my life. He's still the same ass-hole he was two years ago. And it came to me that I liked him the way he was... An ass-hole. Haha... He still laughed at complete strangers, made fun of them, not afraid of dares... Still the same insensitive guy.

I asked myself why I liked an A-class jerk... The answer hasn't come to me.

Well, maybe it's because he was my jerk. I'm used to his jerk-iness.

We (his juniors also) hung out at HDB, sat around, doing nothing. Then his juniors pestered him to sing.... So he did. And, of course, I had to turn into a puddle. *such an ass*

HE HAS SUCH AN AMAZING VOICE!!! Aaaaarrrrgh.

Two bloody songs later, I just shut up. He made me remember so many things in the span of a few mins... Sigh..

Why'd he have to be soooo perfect? (to me?)

Oh. Whatever.

Not like HE cares.... *hehehe*

Sunday, March 07, 2004

So this is what it feels like;

To be lonely.


LONELINESS is -:

* To be sitting in bed, trying not to cry, then trying to cry

* To be watching romance movies on video at 4 in the morning

* To be reading love stories, wishing you were the heroine

* To be waiting for prince charming to come along

* To give up hope that he's ever gonna get here

* To be thinking of all those lucky girls who have boyfriends

* To say, "I don't care." when truly, you do

* To cry at odd/friendship/touching moments on Harry Potter books/movies/videos... etc...

* To cry during KAL HO NA HO... Wishing you were the one Shah Rukh Khan was saying "I don't love you" to

* To look wistfully out the bus or MRT window, imagining your prince charming waving/smiling/looking fondly at you

* To be grasping 'HIS' hand, then turning to find your hand grasping air

* To pick up your handphone and putting it down again, knowing there's no one special to sms to

* To be typing some more, then knowing it's no use

God knows I've lived through this patch of loneliness. And I will face the ones coming my way.

*To cry after this entry.

Friday, March 05, 2004

IT'S FINALLY OVER.

YES.

A LEVELS is over.

To the people who made it, congratulations... To those who missed it this time round,

YOU'LL DO IT BETTER NEXT TIME.

I'M SURE OF IT.

So don't feel bad, take it one stride at a time... 'Cos A levels ain't the end of the world my friend.

Whatever it is, I'll be here if you need a listening ear.

Take care.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Tommorrow........

A-Level results........

The BIG day.

I don't feel anything.

Haha, but just wait till assembly. Then I'll feel something.

Butterflies, slugs, thudding.

All inside my tummy. *shudder*

EEEEKS.

It'll come; but till it does, I live in fear of it.

Sigh.

When tommorrow comes.

Monday, March 01, 2004

*bleary eyes*

Sigh... How many more days eh...?

Ugh....

Am at my ex-tuition teacher's house, doing html...

Trying not to think of stuff.

Lots and lots of stuff.

Like the up-coming results.

And.. It.

Nevermind what IT is.

No point thinking about it.

Will only make me feel more guilty.

*stop thinking brain!!*

*blurred eyes*


Ugh. Whatever.

WELCOME

Random Words Specialist
Fond Of Laughing.
Rarely Sane.
Nonsense is my forte. :)


Pincers y'all. *click click click*

Musings

Sticks and Stones may break my bones

- And some words hurt like crap.

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